* Convince your lad that you're a guyman too, with the English-to-Lad Translator. You can speak to him in pidgin or Igbo.

* Want to know what your lad is saying in pidgin or Igbo? You might be able to get the general idea with the Lad-to-English Translator. Be aware, though, that lads frequently mis-spell and run words together, so even if the translator knows the correct words, the lad's email may be full of errors.

* Your lad will think you're a country bumpkin if you consistently use the Slack-jawed Yokel Translator.

* Want to convince your lad that you're a polite Eastern Indian victim? Kill him with kindness and your own confusion! Use the English-to-Eastern Indian Translator.

* Maybe you'd like to write in a smarmy pseudo-German dialect. Apologies to our German friends - this is really goofy. Use the English-to-Pseudo German Translator.

* Got a message for your lad? Make him dig through lots of irrelevant text for your meaning! Use this Text Obfuscator. It pads out your message with unrelated text.

* Tired of straight baiting? Want to try something outrageous? Talk like a pirate! Guaranteed to confuse your lad. Go to Pirate Translator. Harrrrr, matey!

* Perhaps you're a fan of Monty Python. Your lad probably isn't, so he'll be confused if you communicate with him in twitspeak. Go to Twitspeak Translator. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it probably makes as much sense as your lad does.